


The Movements of My Mind

by Kalcifer



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Introspection, Post-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21844471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalcifer/pseuds/Kalcifer
Summary: On his way back to Auniq for the negotiations, Throndir stops by the cave where he met Kindrali.
Kudos: 3





	The Movements of My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't help but notice that Kindrali seemed much more present for Throndir's visions in Winter, and while that's probably the result of Austin forgetting how he'd done it in the past, I am always looking for reasons to overthink. That's especially true when I haven't finished the series and don't have all the facts, so I apologize if this gets addressed later. I just wanted someone to tell Throndir that he was doing a good job.

Throndir is bad at leaving home. Every time he tries, he’s convinced he’ll never come back, that he won’t be welcome and doesn’t want anything to do with the place anyway. Then all it takes is a letter and he’s racing back to Auniq again.

He’s sure it will be worth it. Yeah, the leaving and returning both sucked, but they mean he’ll be there to advocate for the goblins. He’s not sure how much help he’ll be, uncharismatic outcast that he is, but he is an elf, and that will mean something to the elders. Which is ironic, given some of the things he’s learned. Still, he’s not going to give up any form of leverage. He’ll do whatever it takes to ensure that the goblins get the respect they deserve.

He just won’t be happy about the fact of being back. He doesn’t think anyone can blame him for taking the long way around through the woods.

Returning to the cave is a last-second decision. He realizes it’s nearby and heads for it without a second thought.

Finding it is easy with two sets of memories guiding him. It still looks pretty much like they remember. There are scorch marks all along the cave wall, and Throndir winces, thinking of how he’d dealt with that particular obstacle. It can’t be the same storm that’s still ravaging Velas. There’s no way. Right?

Guilt isn’t what brought him back here, though. The chamber at the center of the cave is the same, too, and that feels wrong somehow. Kindrali is no longer here, and his home should reflect that. The benches shouldn’t sit ready for guests, the bed shouldn’t have the indent of a body. Even if that body wasn’t really Kindrali either. It’s the principle of the thing.

Speaking of bodies. Throndir nudges Kodiak away from the pile of bones in the corner. The real Kindrali’s body is still lying a little apart from the rest of the heap. Seeing it is worse now that Throndir knows what he was like when he was alive.

There’s a stirring in the back of Throndir’s mind, the mental itch he’s come to associate with Kindrali. He braces for a memory, but what comes is less immediate, neither as sudden nor as overwhelming as he expects. It’s more like a thought that was planted there by someone else. It’s not as even coherent as the telepathic link with Fantasmo had been when he was swarmed by bugs.

Throndir’s not sure what to make of it. Can a god resurrect himself? They can do some weird death stuff, he thinks, though he’s still not sure what happened in the Mark of the Erasure. He thinks Hadrian was dead for a minute there. He can’t imagine why, when that Tabard guy had been fumbling every move he made, but he can’t shake the feeling.

He wishes he could talk to Hadrian about all of this. He gets it, really. Realizing some of your deepest beliefs are wrong and that the people you looked up to your whole life are evil is a lot to handle. Throndir just wishes Hadrian would let him help. He has experience with that whole song and dance, and it would be nice for both of them to feel less alone.

For now, though, he’s on his own. He bundles his thoughts to ask, “Kindrali?” and shoves them to that prickling presence.

He’s a little surprised when he gets a response. “Yes?” Kindrali – apparently – says, sounding groggy. He makes the mental equivalent of a concerned noise.

It occurs to Throndir that he’s been staring at Kindrali’s body, which means Kindrali has had to stare at it too. “Oh! Sorry,” he thinks at him, looking away. “Is there… anything I can do for you? You’ve been so helpful, it feels wrong to leave you here like this.”

“Thank you,” Kindrali says. “However, those bones are no longer me. Besides, you’re expected elsewhere, aren’t you?”

Throndir makes a face, then remembers who he’s talking to. “Oh, uh, I mean, yeah. Of course. I’ll be going, then.” Despite his words, he hesitates. He doesn’t actually turn to look at the body, but it’s like he can feel its presence. “Just… let me know if you change your mind, okay? I don’t really have any plans after this, and it wouldn’t be any trouble for me to swing by here on the way back to Velas.

Kindrali almost feels amused at that, though it’s hard to tell past the layers of foreignness and exhaustion encircling his thoughts. “I’ll consider it.” He gives the impression of a yawn. Throndir still doesn’t know how this works, but he assumes Kindrali is about to do the disembodied spirit equivalent of taking a nap.

He does, that not-quite-itch fading from Throndir’s mind, but not before murmuring, “You’re a good child. I’m glad I chose you.”

The compliment makes Throndir smile so hard his face hurts. He knows he has useful skills. He’s heard some of the folks around Velas have started calling him “the Ranger,” and he really likes the sound of that. It’s just that his skills are mostly a reason for people to seek him out, and then they don’t comment on them again. He’s not used to people complimenting him after the fact.

This isn’t even about his skills, either, not about what he has to offer to other people. Kindrali was complimenting him for himself. Throndir has only the vaguest sense of how many people Kindrali must have met, so for Throndir to stand out even among that number…

It’s exhilarating. The excitement carries him all the way back to Auniq, suddenly certain that he can handle the negotiations. He’s gonna make sure the goblins get everything they ask for and then some.

Then maybe once it’s done, Kindrali will wake back up and they can talk some more. Throndir would love to learn more about him directly, not filtered through a jumbled mess of memories.

And okay, sure, maybe he’s got selfish motivations too. He wants to hear more about exactly why Kindrali is pleased with him. He’ll use that information to be even better at it, though, so it’s not like he’s hurting anyone. It’ll be fine to let himself have this.


End file.
